The Circle Of Life Sucks

Where’s Brother Nature and his Canella loving ass on this one? That dude is such a fraud. Always posting videos how he’s the deer whisperer but when he’s actually needed. No where to be found. This baby deer got absolutely wrecked and the worst part is that it happened in a neighborhood in the middle of the day.

I love the lady calling 911 though. Like wtf were they gonna be able to do?

-Derek

69 Year Old Wife Dies After Husband Throws A Meth Fueled Death Party

 Daily Mail-  A Minnesota man has been arrested after his wife was found dead in their home following a meth-fueled ‘death party’ that he threw for her when he checked her out of a nursing home. 

Duane Arden Johnson, 58, was arrested Friday for criminal neglect after he called 911 to report that his 69-year-old wife Debra Lynn Johnson had died.

Police found Debra’s body inside the couple’s home in the small town of Searles, south west of Minneapolis, last Thursday. 

Johnson told police that he had medicated his wife with meth and they had a ‘death party’ because she didn’t want to die in the nursing home where she’d been living, the Free Press reports. 

 I’m not sure how I really feel about this story. First of all, The Husband’s mugshot is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. So my immediate reaction is that this dude is a crazy killer.

But if you read the whole story it just sound like they had one last crazy party that included Heavy Metal music and sex for hours. This is how the Notebook should have ended.

-Derek

Didn’t See That One Coming: Amy Schumer’s Family Is Also Gross

Whoa! Bombshell! Breaking News! Amy Schumer has a weird gross family. Let me first acknowledge that 90% of you that click on this blog won’t think this is weird nor gross but instead, You might even find it cute and funny.  Not me.  Let me also congratulate Amy Schumer before she embarks on the worst pain I could ever imagine someone going thru, A vaginal birth.

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The main reason I find this gross is because Vaginas are scary and weird looking. All Of Em. I’ve thought so ever since I was a little boy and my mom would walk around the house completely nude. I remember thinking that they were the only thing more disgusting than Master Splinter from The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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So of course, This “Cake” that shows a baby COMING OUT OF A “CAKE” VAGINA it’s going to completely gross me out!!! But answer this honestly, Would you eat this cake?

Hell No.

-Derek

Nice Robbers Can’t Fit TV In Their Car So They Return It Back Into The House They Just Burglarized

Hard to give Thieves any credit these days. You want something, You gotta work for it. That’s what they say anyway. But these guys chose to go the scumbag route and burglarize this family’s beautiful home. One of the items they attempted to take was a big ass 4k TV.

Apparently the TV was to big for their car so instead of throwing a fit about it and smashing it in the driveway (I imagine that’s what I would of done) they instead returned it very nicely back inside the home and took off.

I hope those guys are eventually caught and then I hope the family has it in their heart to thank these gentlemen.

-Derek

America: I love you

I’m really starting to get into this whole blogging thing but I do admit it can be tough to find good content all the time. Most stories that dominate the News are awful with all the murder – rape – racist stories and sure there are plenty of those out there.

And then there’s story like this one. Where strangers from all over earth ascend to Killeen Texas to attend a Funeral for an Air Force Veteran who had no family and people were afraid that no one would be attending. That story leaks and next thing you know, All the good people of Earth show up. Honestly brings me to tears. I know what you’re thinking. I cry about everything and I do but dammit this is for great reason.

-Derek

Nard Fighting Dryers At The Laundromat

 

We were talking about a story earlier on the show of a woman beating herself up because she became so upset with her boyfriend. That led to Nard telling us about the time when he took on a row of open dryers at the Laundromat. Turns out, Not only was he not lying about it but there was also a video.

-Derek

Millennials Are Cool With Eating Poop

The only thing I can think about is how much poop these people are eating. It’s a proven fact that your phone is covered in poop. It’s just the way it is. We can’t put our phones down even when we are on the toilet. This is the reason they are covered in poop. If this company sells 5 of these cases I’ll punch myself in the wiener.

-Derek