The Billy Madison Show is now on Twitch! Watch Nard play Call Of Duty tonight Live on Twitch at 6:00pm Central. He did a test run last night and got up to 32 live viewers at one point, His wife bitched at him and his son was embarrassed of him. It was a solid test stream. Check it out tonight!!!  www.twitch.tv/billymadisonshow 

https://player.twitch.tv/?channel=billymadisonshowWatch live video from billymadisonshow on www.twitch.tv

@BMS_Derek

My phone went bonkers just after noon with the same link, Over and over and over. Like it’s your birthday on Facebook bonkers. Everybody was talking about the article that SI.com posted. Apparently the NFL Competition committee has decided that Dez caught it, Along with Jesse James from the Steelers, Calvin Johnson from the Lions Etc.

I couldn’t care less. Honestly. That was so long ago, Who cares that we had already dominated Seattle earlier that year in Seattle. The Seahawks of course would have been The Cowboys opponent in the NFC Championship Game. Who cares that Tony was playing his best football, 69% completion rate to go along with 3,700 yards and 34 TDS.  Who cares that The Cowboys run game led by that amazing offensive line and Pro Bowler Demarco Murray who carried the ball for 1,800 yards with 4.7 ypa and 13 TDS. Who cares that Dez had 16 TDS. It doesn’t matter. The decision to reverse the call was heart breaking when it happened and I still carry that loss with me everyday. Mostly because I still have a “Cowboys World Champs 2015” tattoo on my right lunch lady arm.

Even if The Cowboys would have beat Seattle (They definitely would have) they still would have had to play Tom Brady in The Super Bowl. I would have loved to have seen that game because I think they would have played well against them. Cowboys offense was a force that year.

I also can’t ignore the fact that although The Cowboys would have taken the lead with a Dez TD. Aaron Rodgers and The Packers still would have gotten the ball back with 4:30 minutes left and Rodgers has had the Cowboys number. It would have been a fun finish but shoulda coulda woulda.

So thanks for nothing Competition Committee and thank you to everyone who sent me this article. I really enjoyed it.

@BMS_Derek

@BMS_Derek

I’m breaking this story at 3am central standard time and according to my sources (Kevin Smith’s Twitter) I can confirm that Kevin Smith had a massive heart attack at a comedy show he was performing at. Had 100% blockage in one artery but luckily made it to the hospital in time and from what my sources are saying, He is in stable condition. Luckily for you guys, My 50mg adderall is in full effect cause I have to be one of the only people talking about this story right now because no one else in the world is awake. Feels good to break news. Feels damn good.

@BMS_Derek

Let me start by saying that I don’t follow this loser. So don’t even start with your commenting shit but regardless, This tweet showed up on my timeline and I couldn’t have been happier to read it.

1. I had completely forgotten this show was still airing. Like lets wrap this shit up already, This isn’t the Simpsons. 2. Great move by Carl to tweet this shit knowing millions of viewers that have checked completely out of this show will now tune back in just to see him die. Big brain under that big hat.

To catch you up, Carl got bit by a zombie right during the mid season finale and only complete losers still get bit by a zombie at this point in the show and sure enough Season 8 – Episode 8 –  Carl gets bit. Then on Season 8 – Episode 9 – Carl dies. I loved it. I really think the only reason I hated Carl so much was because of that ridiculous hat he wore the entire time. Like relax pal. You ain’t the sheriff of shit, Even in the apocalypse.

And I admit that at times I will wear something ridiculous, Everybody does but at least we have the sense not to do that type of shit for 8 SEASONS but I admit it was definitely just the hat that bothered me, Along with his fucking cotton eye and also because he refused to be a fucking savage like his alleged father.

Talk about wasting a badass alleged father on that loser. It just pisses me off because ya know, My dad and I don’t talk. Ever. But I swear to gawd that if my dad was a bad mf and he raised me, I would have killed way more zombies/people than him because that’s what Son’s raised by badass dads are supposed to do. Not Carl. He just wanted to wear a goofy hat and put peaches in mason jars all fucking day. Give me a break dude, You blew it.

RIP Carl

@BMS_Derek

What in the actual fuck? First time I’ve ever been scrolling through twitter and a cake has made me want to vomit. Who would eat this? Honestly. I don’t give a shit if you even like sushi, Zero chance you anybody finds this appetizing. 0.00000000000000 chance.

@BMS_Derek

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

I wouldn’t mind being Dejounte Murray’s palm. Lots of benefits to being that guys palm, Minus the masturbation but you gotta take the good with the bad if you’re gonna be someone’s palm.

By the way, The nice young lady’s name is Jilly Anais (I believe it’s pronounced Anus) and she is an Instagram model.

@BMS_Derek

Welp, This is kinda embarrassing. A few weeks ago this nice college student reached out to the BMS asking if we could help her out with this class project she had. From the way I understood it was that the project was some kind of a pyramid scheme where you start with some small item and you try and trade it for something better and better until a certain date and then the teacher keeps all the shit and grades accordingly. I’m not for sure that’s exactly how it goes but you get the point.

She came up weeks ago, We hooked her up then I forgot about it after she tweeted about it back on February 3rd….. Fast forward to today February 21st and she has had exactly zero offers on her signed BMS shirt. That’s hilarious and embarrassing. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I saw her tweet Nard this morning asking if she could trade it back for Papa Roach tickets. haha.

Looks like she’s gonna be stuck with that shitty shirt. Probably causing her to fail the class, Therefor dropping out of school and becoming some kind of stat. That’s on us.

@BMS_Derek

I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been hearing and reading about The Jets ( allegedly )  willing to pay Kirk Cousins whatever he wants to come to New York but my gawd. 60 Million GUARANTEED in his FIRST year.  You like that? Classic Kirk joke. Nailed it.

The guy made $23,943,000 last year and $19,953,000 the year before after being franchise tagged twice by the Washington Rudenames. So if my math is correct (it is because I have the calculator app on my iphone so it’s 100%) and The Jets pay him $60,000,000 next year that would bring his 3 year total to 103 Gabillion dollars made in just THREE SEASONS.

Good for him, I mean I really want to shit all over him for making that kind of money for literally no reason but I’m not a hater. If his agent can get him that kind of a deal, Underware off to him.

@BMS_Derek

Didn’t see this one coming. Somehow Danica Patrick failed to finish in 1st place during the final race of her Nascar career, Bringing her total Nascar career wins to ZERO. Yes, After 8 years of Nascar races. Danica won ZERO times but she still might be the greatest racer of all time, Despite the fact the Dale Earnhardt had a better final Daytona race than she did.

She’s definitely gonna be a 1st ballot Nascar Hall of Famer. No doubt about it. Her Career speaks for itself.  Since arriving on the Nascar scene back in 2010 (feels like shes been in Nascar since 03) she finished on the pole ONE time. I think that means that she qualified to start the race in the 1st position. So, She wasn’t good in practice either.  Despite sucking at practice as well as sucking on race day she still somehow has a net-worth of 60 MILLION DOLLARS! Which in my eyes makes her the GOAT.

Think about it. Danica sucked at racing and still spun that into being incredibly rich. I personally suck at my career just like Danica and all I know is my net-worth is currently $326 after paying all my bills and picking up a half ounce. So I salute You Danica. Great Career, Enjoy retirement and just turn that trophy room at your house into a badass closet or something.

@BMS_Derek